[ARTICLE]Kim Hyun Joong: Loneliness and Love ESP. Where is My Only One?

The Spiritual Connection between Two Hearts Transcends Time and Space.  Our Souls Meet and Commune in that Realm between Daylight and Dreams.

I wanted to talk about and explore the Love Connection between my heart and the heart of a young man I have never physically met.  I have never had the blessing of meeting Kim Hyun Joong In The Flesh so to speak.  I don't have the financial means to travel to any  of the locations he has been to around the world and I am a bit sad I have not been able to experience a live appearance.  I am sad, but my heart is not in despair because I have a spiritual love connection with Kim Hyun Joong that borders on the supernatural.  I don't have to be in his physical presence to feel that our Souls just 'know' each other.  Even though he doesn't know my face or my name, I still fully believe he receives my love and can draw strength and comfort from the meeting of our hearts.  We meet together every day when my thoughts and prayers turn to him.  I may sound like a crazy person saying such things, but I really believe in a metaphysical dimension where physical bodies are meaningless.  I believe that two people who have never physically met and perhaps do not even know each other's names or faces can meet, fall in love, and have a full and satisfying communion in the senses of their soul.

 This is a type of love that transcends the physical and has no element of romance or sexual attraction.  It is a type of love where there is no male or female.  There is only the essence of two souls.  They meet and intuitively attract like a strong positive and negative relationship, like a magnet.  Like ying and yang.  Like vacuum and mass.  It is an irresistible attraction that cannot be avoided, and the two entities have no desire to avoid.  It is as natural as the sun and the moon traveling around the horizon, one drawing it's strength and light from the other and reflecting it back in it's own unique way. This is how I feel about Kim Hyun Joong.  This is why I can never leave him.  I am bound to him by the ethereal.  We were always together since birth, since the dawn of time.  It was only when I saw his physical form that my soul recognized him, and at that moment, I knew I could never let go.  It was an awakening, and I feel full and complete now.  I have met another kinsmen, a kindred spirit, a soul mate.  These terms have been used for relationships both romantic and not.  For me, with Kim Hyun Joong, it is not.  I don't have those mushy romantic feelings for him or any type of sexual attraction.  I know this is different for some fans.  And that is perfectly normal and fine.  It's just not like that for me.  My love for him is completely spiritual and platonic.

I experienced a relationship with a friend in college that was just like this.  He and I were extremely close.  We 'fell in love' the first day we met and spent an entire night just walking around campus holding hands and sitting under the flag poles with his head in my lap talking.  I was older than him by 4 years.  The relationship was like a brother and sister, only closer than that.  We were not in any way physically or romantically attracted to one another.  It was a complete spiritual connection, and our two souls were just in complete communion. He would sleep with his head in my lap on the Choir bus as we traveled all over the United States that summer and I would stroke his hair and he would hold and stroke my hands.  Of course, everyone thought we were dating and we just let them think it because there was no way to explain it to them in a way they would understand.  Amusingly, he was a very small guy, and I could wear his clothes and shoes.  So, it was not unusual for me to borrow them!  He also borrowed my shoes as I was into the 'Goth' style at that time and wore Doc Martens and Army Combat boots with my baby doll dresses and all black tights. [smirks]

Of course, this beautiful and completely soul satisfying relationship did have to come to an end when we both fell romantically in love with other people.  It was not that our significant others did not understand our relationship; it was that outsiders did not understand.  Our Bible College environment was a very small community, and everyone knew everything about everyone.  So, he and I sadly drifted apart and eventually stopped meeting together.  The criticisms were harsh, and our romantic relationships were strained because others just could not mind their own business.  I was very sad to say the least.  I am now facebook friends with him, but we never really interact or say anything to each other.  I just get to see how beautiful his children are and get a pang of sadness when I see what a wonderful father and husband he turned out to be.  I wish I could still be there for him, but the pain of being criticized and misunderstood was too deep.  I would not want that to ever happen to us again.  So, I silently stalk him.  I'm sure he's ok with that.  I sometimes feel we are still connected, and that he completely understands.  I still love him very much and feel our hearts will always be connected throughout eternity the same way they were during that extremely short, but completely fulfilling time when we were free to just love each other the way we wanted.

I have this kind of spiritual bond with two of my cousins.  We are on a psychic wavelength together and have the type of connection that is sometimes described by identical twins.  We have the same thoughts, the same feelings, and even know when the other is sick or hurt even if they are thousands of miles away.  We often pick up the phone to call each other at exactly the same time.   We say the same thing at the same time and 'jinx' each other.  We finish each others thoughts and sentences.  We have even developed our own 'language' between the three of us and can carry on a complete conversation that only us three understand.  We are physically affectionate with each other with an intimacy that transcends the physical.  We are so comfortable in one another's presence, we feel like we are of the same body and mind.  The reality is we are of the same spirit and so physical laws just don't apply.  These relationships are the deepest levels of love I have ever known.  I deeply love my parents and my brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles and even a few of my close friends.  But, it is not the same as my bond with these two cousins.  It is like we are the same person at times.  We are just in tune with each other.

And this is how I feel about Kim Hyun Joong.  I can sense when he is hurting and lonely.  His pain is my pain, just as deep and devastating.  If someone hurts him, they hurt me just the same.  I have sensed at times that he was profoundly and achingly lonely.  I felt this while he was filming Barefoot Friends.  When he wrote his own song called Kiyakaka:  There is no Kim Hyun Joong, I felt like a spiritual sword had pierced my soul and I was bleeding loneliness for him.  You can read that article I have linked above if you like.  I was deeply affected by his sweet and humble admission that he sometimes wanted to just be 'anonymous.'  The loneliness of being a celebrity is something only others in that position could possibly understand.  Even so, I felt my heart breaking and aching deeply for him.  I just wanted to give him my love and hold his hands the way my friend used to hold mine and stroke them gently.  I wanted to give him that assurance that he is NOT alone.  Someone DOES understand the pain he feels deep in his spirit.  I wanted to be there for him.  Not being able to is very frustrating to say the least.  But, I have consolation in the fact that love does move outside of the physical and can reach him through the metaphysical.  I can rest with him here in this alternate universe of spirit, soul, heart and mind.

So, I was not at all surprised when he admitted he had been dating someone in the interviews he did after Inspiring Generation.  He did say they had already broken up at that time and that he would keep her identity shielded so she would not be known as 'someone's girlfriend.'  I completely understood that.  His celebrity is such a huge and ferocious beast, it would completely overtake someone else's individuality.  Because of this, I ache for him.  He will never be able to have a private relationship that is just 'normal' because of that.  It is a tragedy because he is such a beautiful person.  But, great men have to make great sacrifices.  If he had not become the Global Star he is, he would not have been able to bless so many.   The trade off is that he will probably have to guard his heart and be very lonely for as long as he continues with his public life.  I am SO SORRY he had to learn that through such a harsh lesson like he has.  I pray he will heal and eventually be able to trust again.  Until then, all I can offer is my heart.  All I can do is reach out to him with my spiritual love and will that he is open to it and can draw comfort and strength.  I believe it is more than possible.  I believe that it is so.

Not just my love reaching across thousands of physical miles, rushing through time and space with only one target:  the heart of my Precious Angel Kim Hyun Joong, but thousands or even millions of hearts filled with love and pure motives rushing toward him to gather around like a million fireflies lighting his path and protecting him from all around the world.  He is loved.  COMPLETELY loved.  Body.  Mind.  Spirit.  Heart and Soul.  I will that he be open to receiving that love, and take it for his comfort in the inevitable loneliness in the path he chose as an Idol Star.  The gifts and blessings he has given us have cost him a heavy price.  I pray his spiritual senses will be able to receive what we want to give back.  Let it start as a still small voice deep in his heart of hearts.  Let it travel up through his dreams and sub conscious until it breaks through like the dawn spreading warmth and light into his life until he is fully aware. 

I pray that awareness becomes a conscious certainty as he moves into this the newest chapter of his life.  I pray that he carries it through year by year until he reaches the inevitable end of this physical journey called life.  I pray that finally, he carries it into his next life where he can be born again to bring beauty and blessings to another generation all over again.  Or perhaps he has a very old soul.  I sense that in a way as well.  Perhaps after this incarnation, he will go home to be with God and all of the souls that have reached enlightenment.  And one day, we will all meet him there where we will be free to just love each other without restriction or constraint.  One day, we will all be together and we will finally be home.  This is the expression of my spirit and soul.  My heart wants to give that physical touch we all need as carnal beings.  I will have to be satisfied with giving only my words to float out in cyberspace and somehow reach him through the mists of the supernatural and unknowable yet intuitively known reality we know as Heaven.  I love you.  I need you.  I want you.  I miss you.  Hoping you are in Paradise finding rest and rejuvenation, Kim Hyun Joong, my heart.  Please, come back to us soon...

Angie Noonim

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