[ARTICLE]Kim Hyun Joong: A Wise and Gentle Warrior with a Strong, Brave Heart

KIm Hyun Joong Once Again Sets an Example to Make Us Proud:  Displaying Humility and Strength in a  Difficult Situation, His Decision to Apologize and Accept Responsibility for His Weakness Displays Bravery, Wisdom, and the Love of a Real Man.

They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground. 7But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.  -John 8:6-7

My Inbox, Comment Boxes, Twitter Feed and Facebook are eerily quiet this evening.  Almost everyone seems to have been shocked into a stunned silence over Kim Hyun Joong's decision to come out with a full public apology on his Official Web Page.  In the carefully worded release, he takes full responsibility for his actions, and promises to reflect on his misdeeds.  He did not admit to any lies or misleading statements or validate his ex's previous versions of the Truth.  He simply appealed to the public not to blame his ex-girlfriend and appealed to her to please forgive him for losing his self control and deeply  hurting a person he once trusted and loved.  I have to admit when I first read the entire apology translated to English I felt my heart freeze up.  It literally skipped a few beats.  It was a cold feeling as if dread had seized me physically and I had to fight back the tears because I was at work.  I had a very busy and stressful day at work, and was unable to process any of my feelings until I went to my counseling appointment after work.  Yes, I still see a counselor, and I feel that fact is very relevant to the response I am about to share with you over Kim Hyun Joong's loving decision to relent to his ex-girlfriend, protect her and keep her from the public eye and issue this public apology.  Get ready my brothas and sistas in love!  'cuz I'm about to give a testimony on up in here!'  :)

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues,they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.   - I Corinthians 13:1-8

My guess is that many may be asking themselves, WHY?  WHY would Kim Hyun Joong come out with this official apology and seemingly take all the blame upon himself?  Most are probably feeling stunned and speechless, not sure what to say.  I know his Beautiful Ones are still loving and supporting him.  I've seen their comments and Tweets to that effect.  But most are being quiet, trying to work this through.  I understand completely.  I was arrested also.  It was as if my world momentarily stopped spinning.   And so we ask again, Why?  Well, I can tell you precisely why, and I will.  But, first, I want to explain to you why I feel I can give insight into two people I don’t know personally and a situation I did not witness.  It is because I lived in a toxic and abusive relationship for 15 years.  For my friends and family, I was the sole victim.  I was the one who took the abuse from a dominant personality and who suffered the most.  I was the person who was controlled and manipulated and kept from my family and source of strength.  Is this true?   Yes, very much so.  He was manipulative, controlling and emotionally abusive.  He sequestered me, did not allow me any social or family interaction that was not supervised or approved by him.  he was unfaithful to me with other women repeatedly and a compulsive liar.  

However, was I completely innocent?  No, not at all.  I was withdrawn and moody, I did not want him to touch me or engage me in any way.  I was unable to communicate with him effectively and shut him completely out.  I inflicted damage and pain on him by inflicting damage and pain on myself.  I was very depressed, suicidal, self destructive.  He may have been a damaged person, but he did love me, and married me knowing I was damaged too.  I self destructed, and I forced him to watch.  It was my way of punishing him for failing me.  It was very difficult for him.  He eventually became frustrated and lost his respect for me.  Which only perpetuated the abuse.  I had lost my respect for him long before for the infidelity and inability to provide.  We lived with his parents for 7 years of our ten year marriage.  When a wife does not respect her husband, it is a form of abuse in and of itself.  I wanted to go to therapy together, get help and get better.  He refused.  But instead of taking care of myself and making the decision to leave as I should have done, I sunk into deeper depression and pain and felt very self righteous for being forgiving and long suffering.  The Truth of the matter was, we were toxic for each other, and there was no one person to blame.  When the hurricane that was the end of our relationship cleared and I was able to see the sun again, I had a lot of guilt.  I knew my own part in the mess that was left, and I am a person who owns up to my mistakes so I can learn and grow.

And so, I can be empathetic to both parties in this situation.  The fact that Hyun Joong had to live this out in front of the whole world, makes me feel sick and heartbroken.  It should never have been this way.  It isn't fair.  But he is a Public Figure, and she used the only power she had against him.  In an unhealthy relationship, the hurting party wants to exhibit Power and Control because they are desperate to hold onto someone who no longer wants to be with them.  He wanted to walk away, she wanted him to validate her pain.  In the worst way possible, she showed him very effectively that she would get the conclusion she wanted or else.  Kim Hyun Joong is warm hearted and humble, but he is also stubborn and passionate.  The fact that he exploded under pressure is not in the least bit surprising.  It's not that he has a short fuse, it's just that when he's had enough, it's ENOUGH, and if you keep pushing he will react with passion and force. Conversely, after he cools his head, he easily owns up to his shortcomings and feels deeply repentant. I understand his ex in playing the part of the victim, and possibly even provoking him into treating her badly because it was her way of punishing him for not living up to her expectations.  I did the same in my relationship.  I rode the victim wave all the way down to the bottom of my soul before I realized it was only hurting me the most.  What's worse is that my friends and family, in their good intentions, blamed my ex husband and justified me.  It did not help me to learn, grow, heal or change.  I have had and am continuing to do that work on my own as will Miss A when everything is over and done.  

It's not pretty, it's not nice, but it happens between people who love each other.  The weaknesses we have allowed to be known in a vulnerable and trusting relationship become targets and we know just what triggers to pull to hit our loved one in just the right spot.  After my relationship ended, I felt deep remorse for my shortcomings.  My ex-husband's reaction to those shortcomings was inexcusable to be sure, as were Hyun Joong's.  It has never been my intent while fiercely supporting him to excuse him for what he did.  He hit her.  He was physically violent with her.  It was wrong.  Do I love him less?  Not a single speck.  Do I respect him less?  Not for a second.  I respect him MORE for being open and honest about it and for keeping his word to protect her.  He always said he would protect a woman he was in a relationship with,  and he has continued to do so even when she stripped him naked and flogged him in public for hurting her.  I respect and love him even more deeply than before.  And, I hurt for her broken heart as well.  I hope she has received what she wants from him now, and can move on to a better place in her own life.  Some reports have been offered that she still has not agreed to drop the charges just because he issued the apology and is still considering.  Some speculate that even still she is wanting monetary compensation.  Whether or not that is true is really irrelevant.  His Pocket is another place where she can wield her power and hit him hard.  However, Hyun Joong is taking it like a man, and I am more proud of him than I ever have been.

My conclusion? Miss A was obviously a victim of Kim Hyun Joong's temper.  He did her a GREAT wrong, and he is not afraid to admit to it.  This could easily end his career.  KE could cancel his contract, and he may never be able to rise up to fly as high as he did again because of the power of public opinion in South Korea.  An Entertainer can be black listed, and no Director, Advertising Campaign, Recording Company or Agency will be brave enough to take them on for fear of losing large amounts of revenue.  It is my sincere hope this WILL NOT happen, but the reality is that it could be possible.  In the face of that fact, he still told the truth and did the best thing for himself.  His conscience and heart would have collapsed with guilt had he not.  That is who Kim Hyun Joong is.  Others may not understand, but he did what he had to do in order to live with himself.  He also did what was necessary to bring this to a swift end.  There is no reason for either party to continue this dispute in the public forum and possibly go through a lengthy and unnecessary legal battle.  I'm sure his legal counsel gave him the best case scenario, and this was partially it.  The apology she has demanded may be justified, however it should not have been necessary for him to do it so publicly.  Conversely, she abused her power and did him a GREAT wrong as well by exposing him and demanding he take all of the shame and blame.  I hope he gets an apology from her for that some day, even if it is only in private.

As we move forward, I want to continue emphasizing the tenets of Love, Forgiveness, Peace, Understanding, Personal Growth and Healing.  I said from the beginning that no matter what the outcome, no matter what the Truth turned out to be, I would continue to love and support Kim Hyun Joong.  I am not one to be swayed and blown about by the winds of fear and doubt.  I have faith that he will continue to do what he loves.  I have faith that he will find a way.  He is Kim Hyun Joong!  Look at how hard he worked to achieve the life he set out for.  Look at the people he has touched and blessed and given more joy and happiness than he can even imagine.  If he continues to be broken and spilled out, selfless and humble, he will be lifted ever higher.  With great power comes greater responsibility.  I am so thankful he is the kind of man who owns up to that.  His influence is great.  I hope he can be held up as an example of wisdom and strength.  There is not one man or woman who has ever walked this earth who is perfect and without shame.  We have all made grave mistakes in our lives.  We are fortunate to only have to admit them to the parties involved instead of the Entire World.  For the strength and willingness to do that, for the Bravery required to gamble EVERYTHING that is dear to him, I give him my utmost respect and love.  He is the good man I have always know he was.  He will prevail.  It may come about in a different way than what anyone expected, but it will be A Breathtaking Sight to See just as it was Planned to Be.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.
-Galatians 5:22-23

Hyun Joong-ah, my Precious and Beautiful Man.  I love you more than my words can shape into feeling and thought.  I do my best to express it to you here.  I am not a person who is physically close, and that means I have to do my best to describe my heart to you with just words on a page.  I wish you could see my eyes, hear the tenderness in my voice and feel the warmth of my embrace.  I want you to feel safe and loved even as you have to grieve and repent.  Please, don't beat yourself up over this failing.  You are still a Beautiful Child of God.  He created you to Shine.  He gifted you to Bless.  He Purposed for you a Life only an elect few get the privilege of leading.  He has more in store for you.  Follow your heart as you always have and live out your Truth.  Nothing will hold you back as long as your soul remains pure.  Evil made it's way into your life, and it has carved it's scars.  But, it did not touch your soul, your core.  Your Kibun is well and in tact.  It is still unblemished and made of pure love and light.  You are Precious.  You are Worthy of the Love pouring out for you.  Receive it and be made whole. I know you are weary and in great need of a long Rest.  As you reflect, also consider your dreams.  Never give up on yourself!  There are so many others who will never abandon you.  Come back to us rejuvenated and renewed.  We will be eagerly waiting to receive you.  Breathe in Peace.  Breathe in Joy.  You are LOVED.  Just breathe it in.  Once again, I want to see you Smile like the Sun.  It is that smile you give, genuine from the depth of your heart that gives me Joy and Peace.  I know it will Dawn and Break once again, and in it we will finally be Home.

From the well of my heart and the depth of my soul,
Angie noonim

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