[ARTICLE] Kim Hyun Joong: Wounded, Weary and Healing from Hostility at Home

As We Have Watched the Public Trial and Execution of  Our Only One, We Are Distraught With Worry, Wanting to Rescue and Shield Him From the Fire.   If He is to Rise, He Must Stand on His Own, Face His Future with Faith and Fight for His Dreams.

As I write this, I am realizing that recent events will not be able to be put to rest and completely forgotten as I wished them to be.  As we watch and wait for what will come next, they are now a part of our experience with Kim Hyun Joong.  Even though the memories are excruciatingly painful, and we are still hurting as we worry about the consequences, they have taught us to appreciate and understand him more deeply than ever.  They have taught us that we are capable of much more than superficial admiration.  We are capable of real forgiveness in the midst of our pain and disappointment.  Yes, I am disappointed that my sweet dear Angel lost his self control.  It has caused so much pain for everyone involved, his ex, her friends and family, and himself and his friends, family, and fans.  I could be seriously angry with him for making the wrong choice in the heat of that moment if I did not have so much love in my heart.  Was it only the ex that ruined everything for him?  Truthfully, no.  If he had kept his head in that situation, she would not have been able to do what she has done.  Technically, we could say it's all his fault to begin with and throw up our hands in disgust and defeat.   He has admitted to doing something a man should never do, and for some, that was reason enough to abandon him and walk away.

That is their choice, and they can go on living without him in the future.  They were not as invested with him in their hearts.  However, I can not do that.   For me, the fact that he did something wrong and admitted he should never have done it doesn't make me love him any less.  In fact it makes me love him more because he needs my love now more than ever.  I owe him so much.  I met him at a very low point in my own life, and he brought me out of the depths of depression and hell.  Getting to know him as I researched his activities, watched his dramas and reality shows, listened to his fun, happy music, laughed at his 4D antics and saw his smile every day is what saved me.  I will never forget that.  I will always be grateful to him for that.  He decided to live this very public life to spread happiness and joy to people all over the world.  He sacrificed his private life for that and worked so hard overcoming so many set backs.  He persevered to reach his goal of doing what he loves.   The money and fame and success were truly very secondary to him.  He expressed that with his constant humility and gratitude.  The greatest reward was always reflected in his smile, and that smile was the brightest and most genuine when he was in the presence of his fans and those he helped with his wealth and influence.  I will never doubt his sincere heart. 

His example has caused me to make countless positive changes in my own life.  I am able to set goals, make decisions, create beauty, and just live happily loving my fellow human beings because I have watched him doing it every day.  He is still that amazing person I fell for so completely.  He has not changed.  He is still Kim Hyun Joong.  He is not and will never be anyone else.  He is unique and blessed and he shares those blessings selflessly with us.  He brought me back to myself.  He gave me hope and freedom by sharing his loving heart and soft, quiet wisdom.  I will never leave his side.  Never in a million lifetimes.  I will continue to cherish his work and use it to refresh my heart and spirit as life wears me down again and again.  Life is pain.  Kim Hyun Joong has provided balm.  I will use it well and be ever thankful.  As I am re-watching each episode of BOF, I am smiling, laughing, and falling over and over again with Yoon Ji Hoo who is now a part of Kim Hyun Joong.  He was playing a role, but I can see glimpses of his soul, and that is what gives me courage, strength and peace.  I am praying with all my might that God will take care of him well and we will be able to see more of him in the future.  God has an AMAZING PLAN for Kim Hyun Joong.  What God lifts up, no man can tear down.  I will continue watching and supporting him with faith and hope for the future.

Like Geum Jan Di wanted to embrace Yoon Ji Hoo but saw him kissing Min Seo Hyun, I am running after Kim Hyun Joong in my heart.  I am wanting to hug him and hold him and tell him everything will be all right.  But, I am outside of his world.  I am not a flesh and blood friend, close enough to actually give him my embrace.  I can't help myself though for wanting to do so.  I'm just hurting for him so much.  I hope he has someone in his life like that.  Someone he can embrace and find a safe place to rest.  I am praying with all my heart and soul that those who are in his life who love him as much as we do are able to give him that peace.  All I want is his happiness.  Always.  All I am capable of is pouring out my heart in these words and hoping that somehow, the comfort I so long to give him reaches him.  I have faith that it will as we keep surrounding him with our protection and support here and on other blogs and social media like twitter and facebook.  I am frustrated that I cannot read or write hangul because if I could, I would support him on Korean Social Media as well.  I would never abandon or leave him unguarded as he is now in hostile territory in his own home.  It is heart breaking to say the least.

I can see the sad look in his eyes, but there are times when he does smile.  He smiles so warmly that whoever is watching him feels that warmth.  
- Geum Jan Di

We want to snatch him out of the Jaws of Haters and bring to him to live with us in each of our respective countries.  Japan, Spain, France, Greece, Mexico, South America, and the United States are just some countries where fans are anxiously worrying about him just to name a few.  I have had my friends talk me through my anxiety in several private discussions, and our sentiments are all the same.  If Korea doesn't want him, we will take him!  We will love and support him!  We will fight for him and help him achieve his dream!  But, as LazerKim said in her latest article, it would not be his dream to do it outside of his home country.  As much as we are feeling hurt and mistrustful of Koreans right now because of the Public Execution we have witnessed, it is still his home.  He is Korean, and it will always be a part of who he is.  He is the reason I learned about Korean Culture and learned to cook Korean Food and studied as hard as I could to learn some of the language and customs.  I am feeling resentful of them right now, but I know that all Koreans are not this hateful and unforgiving.  After all, there is Kim Hyun Joong!  He is such a beautiful person, and he is Korean.  So, I have to have faith there are more like him who will surround him with support and love and give him the chance he deserves.  He will find his way, it's a given fact because of who he is.

To me, when a person tries to decide what to do or not, it's similar to buying something in a foreign country.  If you don't buy it at that very moment, then there's no second chance. - Min Seo Hyun

And so, I am going to do what I have always done and trust him.  I trust him to make smart decisions regarding his Professional Career.  He does not want to quit either.  He does not want to be away from us either.  He will Find A Way.  He always has in the past, and he will do it again.  He will have two years to come up with a plan while he fulfills his military service.  He will get out and come back and we will be there for him all over again.  In the meantime, I plan to relive my memories one by one, drama by drama, interview by interview, reality show by reality show, song by song, album by album, concert by concert.  I will continue as I have done, welcoming him into my heart and my home on a daily basis to bring me smiles, joy and laughter.  He will be here with us forever because he has been captured on countless hours of film and record.  He shared his beauty with us, and that can never be taken away.  I have full faith that he will share it again.  He has a talent for seizing the moment and making the most of it.  He will not fail to make his dreams happen.  He will not fail to reach the top again.  He will not fail to do what he was born to do.  We can have hope and faith.  We can continue to love him without worry.  He will come home to us and he will do it in his own 4D way.  It will be a thrill to witness.  He is in God's hands and we can rest assured that he will be safe, happy, and in his rightful place wherever that turns out to be.

Ah, so this article has not turned out the way I intended!  I am smiling slyly at that.  God has His own Idea right now, and I wrote what was in my heart once again.  I am not to receive any credit for any of the words I write.  They are constantly inspired by every thing in my world.  They are inspired by my family, my co-workers, my close friends, and especially the friends I have the privilege of knowing and loving through Kim Hyun Joong.  I live each day being humbly used to bless others because I have always wanted that for my life.  Even before I knew Hyun Joong.  I have always wanted to just be the person God created me to be and provide blessings in the way He intended me to bless.  I am feeling that at this time in my life, I am fulfilling that through this blog.  I am touched and amazed at the words left in the comment boxes.  I have received so many more blessings from you all than I could ever hope to give back.  I will continue to let the words flow out of my heart with the small hope they will continue to bring you courage, hope, peace and love.  We are forever changed by meeting here with Kim Hyun Joong.  We will continue coming together, sharing, encouraging, giving hope, peace, joy and happiness loving him and one another.

All my love until Next Time,

Angie noonim

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