The Potent Power of Projecting our Pain and Protecting our Hearts Can Paralyze us in Fear Causing Trust and Communication to Collapse. The Key to Overcome is to Remain Vulnerable and Open While Continuously Choosing a Path of Love and Light
cr: Nhor Manuel
I have to share with my beloved readers and Fan Family that I have been in a state of Paralyzing Pain and Complete Confusion for the past several weeks. I am Physically Fine. It is my emotional state that has been in Turmoil. That is the main reason I have not posted anything here during this EVENTFUL time as a fan of Kim Hyun Joong. I have started many blog post articles only to abandon those thoughts knowing I was not expressing my true heart. I have been agonizing with doubt on whether to share something with you that was a very negative and painful experience for me related to being a fan of Kim Hyun Joong. I had to take some serious time to myself to meditate and pray and decide what my TRUE HEART was trying to tell me and what my TRUE SELF wanted to reveal. Let me just clarify, the pain of going through this Horrible Scandal with Kim Hyun Joong and his Fans, his Beautiful Henecia, is NOT to what I am referring. That pain, I have been able to withstand with the help of some beautiful and loving fans whom I call my SISTERS IN LOVE and we have all fallen more deeply in love with Kim Hyun Joong and each other.
The pain I have been feeling is the result of a deep Conflict I have been having with my Spirit and my Flesh. I have a greater amount of LOVE in my heart than Hate. I have a greater amount of Light in my Soul than darkness. My Intentions are for Good and My Actions are meant to further the love in this fandom, for KHJ and to humanity as a whole. However, I am not PERFECT. I sometimes make mistakes or do and say things that seem contradictory. I sometimes express my desire to take action or contribute to something that later I am unable to fulfill because of my frailty and weakness. I am sometimes forgetful and fail to thank or give credit to those who have helped me or shared a wonderful idea allowing me to contribute my talents to some beautiful Projects of Love. And at times, I have let my negative emotions take over and burst out with comments or posts that reveal the pain and confusion in my heart. Because of my Weaknesses and Imperfections, I have had some misunderstandings with fellow fans. I have been reading and getting reports of other fans having conflicts with each other as well. Some have been deeply hurt by these conflicts and felt deeply disrespected and rejected. I have also experienced a situation with another fan that caused me to doubt myself and my motives for everything I have done in the fandom for the past several months. I have been keeping that situation private, not wanting to cause any further damage. As a result, I have been feeling blocked and conflicted and must share my experience so I can move forward. Therefore, I have decided to open my heart and spill it out to all of you so I can heal. It is my hope that if you have experienced any of the same, we can learn from these together and move on in the fandom in Unity and Harmony.
cr: Nhor Manuel
Most of my misunderstandings have been easily resolved and my sisters and I have agreed that we love each other through our disagreements. Most of what I have seen and experienced from my fellow fans is Love and Unity despite any of our differences. We may temporarily give in to Pain and Negativity, but ultimately we choose Love and Light. This is why I love this Alien Family so much. Unfortunately, on one incident, that was not the case for me personally. Regrettably, I have had a Grave and very Painful Misunderstanding with a Sister Henecian that has left me completely shocked and my heart has been deeply bruised. The pain of our misunderstanding was too much and so, to protect ourselves from future hurt and disappointment, we are treating each other as strangers. It seems there is no hope for reconciliation, and I am deeply sorrowful. Because of this misunderstanding, being involved in the large scale projects being done for Kim Hyun Joong is now too difficult for me and I feel I have been road blocked from that avenue. I am truly heartbroken. As I have cried many tears and wrestled with my jumbled thoughts, I was worried that I had lost sight of my purpose and a great opportunity to do cooperative and good works as a fan of KHJ. After much prayer, communication and encouragement from other fans, and meditation on the messages of hope I get in my daily devotional readings, I know God has a Plan and will make a way for me no matter what mistakes I have made in the past or what circumstances attempt to block my path. I will be able to contribute by doing my own independent projects on a smaller scale with the fans who want to continue working with me. Honestly, that smaller scale is BETTER for me, and I am truly happy again. I have been restless and have not had peace for many weeks. Now, I am completely at Peace and will share with you the Plans God has Revealed to me in Future posts. This post is to let the pain of my experience out and to clear my Heart and Mind to be ready to move into the future.
“Though you might feel change is being forced on you, you must embrace it as a time of adjustment in order to greatly benefit. Never be reluctant to let go of that which has outlived its usefulness. You cannot move forward and stay stationary at the same time. Allow Me to show you the way.”
Psalms 32:8 ~ I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.
cr: rightful owners or as tagged
Losing someone’s trust and respect over a misunderstanding is the most painful experience I have had to go through in my life and this is not the first time I have gone through it. I always flog myself endlessly when this happens and scrutinize myself to try and find what I did that was so wrong to cause a person to completely reject me and expel me from their life. Yes, I am extremely hard on myself. Even writing and sharing this with you is causing anxiety all over again. But, I realized, after many weeks of self punishment, it was time to Let this Go and Decide how to MOVE FORWARD. For me, moving forward is to come to an understanding of myself and how to do better in the future. Here is what I have realized after weeks of searching for the answer. What God revealed to me through His Word is that Real People are not flat characters on a page. We are fully rounded, three dimensional, unpredictable and full of contradictions. This is our humanity at war with our Higher Spiritual Self, the one created in the Image of God. When we stumble and give in to this war of the flesh it is called sin. When I am weak and want to give in to my sinful flesh, I may seem hypocritical or like a liar. The truth is my Spirit knows and tells the truth of who I Really Am and was Created to Be: A person of Love and Light. But the pain of living as a human being in the flesh makes me weak, and therefore my mouth will confess the desires of that flesh and my body will give in to sin. And so, does this make me a bad or evil person? Does it make me a Hypocrite and a Liar? Of course not, it makes me human. Therefore, God has forgiven me and I am free to forgive myself and others.
For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I [would] like to [do], but I am doing the very thing I hate. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
Romans 7:15, 19-20
cr: rightful owners or as tagged
When we have been hurt by others, our instincts tell us to Close Our Hearts to Protect Ourselves from Future Pain. However, the Key to LOVE is to Remain Open and Vulnerable. Healing will never come if we cut off those avenues of communication and refuse to give others our trust. God provides a way for us to overcome the weakness of the flesh by constantly choosing to Live in the Spirit practicing and meditating on Love and Light. We can and should control our thoughts and our flesh. However, I believe that sometimes we cannot help but to give IN to that flesh and vent it out to recover our Loving Spirit. Holding it in causes us too much Pain and Confusion. It causes us to doubt we are being true to our Authentic Self. We must vent it out to God in Prayer and to the people in our lives we TRUST and know UNDERSTAND that our TRUE heart is one filled with LOVE. It is OK to LET IT OUT. Just do it in a forum that is appropriate and safe. The mistake I made was believing I was safe with that person. I mistakenly thought that she knew me and trusted she would not misunderstand me. In the end, before she stopped speaking to me, we agreed on this fact. We felt close because of our love for Kim Hyun Joong. We discovered that in reality we were strangers and the closeness we felt was an illusion. It was unfortunate. I have truly never stopped loving or trusting her. I became defensive, nervous and hesitant with her because of the pain we had caused each other. Because of our misunderstandings, she does not believe I still love and trust her. As a result, she stopped trusting and communicating with me. It is a situation that breaks my heart in pieces.
cr: rightful owners or as tagged
“Wisely consider the flavor of your mood today. It steeps your own thoughts and actions, and also seasons the moods and actions of those around you. Choose to season the atmosphere with LIGHT.”
Romans 15:5 ~ May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had…
I hope that my experience can shed some understanding on the painful exchanges that have happened between other fans and that we can all come to an agreement to treat each other with respect, dignity and love regardless of whether we agree or completely understand one another. Most importantly, we must put aside our pain and agree to COOPERATE and COMMUNICATE with each other in LOVING WAYS. And so, to my readers, my SISTERS IN LOVE, I know that some of you have been hurt and felt criticized and restricted by other fans also. Some of you have voiced your pain and frustration and some have even quit your fan clubs or decided never to join a fan club because of these painful exchanges and experiences. You have not, and will not ever abandon being a fan of Kim Hyun Joong, it is just the relationships with other fans that have been damaging and painful. I realize that in reality, we may seem like strangers to each other at times. Therefore disagreements and misunderstandings are bound to cause confusion and pain. What I want you all to know is having experienced this type of pain first hand does not change my faith in you one bit. I believe the love we feel for each other and the closeness we share is NOT an illusion. I still TRUST you all, and when I tell you I LOVE YOU, I mean it sincerely with all my heart. Even in our disagreements and misunderstandings, we are still Unified in Love for this Beautiful Person we have discovered, Kim Hyun Joong. If I say or do things that seem to contradict, please forgive me for being HUMAN and WEAK. If you have any thoughts you want to VENT out because of pain in your heart, I offer my Blog Comments or Private Messages on Facebook, Twitter or Email as a Safe Forum for you. You can find my Social Media Links at the top of this blog site on the right side. You can say what is in your heart with no fear of judgment, scrutiny or reprimand from me.
cr: rightful owners or as tagged
I understand your need to vent out your pain and anger. I also understand the need to gloat a bit at the justice that has finally begun. I would never want my sisters to feel I was restricting them from getting out those negative emotions because it is very needed and necessary as well. So, just know that in private, or here on my little blog space that is not so public yet, you can say what you feel. I do not want anyone to feel shamed for venting the pain we have gone through as a fandom this last year or even now as we are missing Kim Hyun Joong so badly. We were robbed of having his beautiful and care-free smile for many precious months that were the last opportunities we would have for two long years. We are starting to learn the truth behind the heartbreaking incidents of those past months. Slowly but surely, our enemies mistakes and lies are being revealed one layer at a time. Revelations of truths and circumstances we as Kim Hyun Joong’s loyal fans have known and been saying all along are finally coming to light. It is natural to want justice and to feel smug satisfaction as it is being served. Don’t let anyone shame you for saying how you feel. All I ask is that you do it in the safety of the fandom and not on any public media sites or forums. No fuel for the enemy. Stay on our blogs and pages and private messages to vent your frustration and anger. If you must use foul language, please do that in PRIVATE, I beg. Just open a blank document on your computer and LET IT ALL OUT FOUL LANGUAGE AND ALL! Or write it in your journal or a notebook no one else will see. Sometimes we need to SHARE our pain and anger with each other as well. Do that in Private Messages, not publicly on Social Media. If you want to post here, please just keep it clean and no name calling. That is all I ask. You are free to speak your mind otherwise. I will not let anyone else attack or accuse you here. It is my hope and prayer that after letting out our negative emotions in safety, we are able to return to the Beautiful Spirit of Love God gave us as our CORE SOUL and BEING.
“I did not build you to carry such heavy loads. Give them to Me. Only then will your eyes see more clearly – your gait be much quicker, and your ears hear with renewed precision.”
Psalm 55:22 ~ Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.
cr: rightful owners or as tagged
Unity and Harmony are the Ideal among us. However, there are times when this does not happen as we would like. Let’s just keep in mind that our conflicts not only cause us pain, they cause Kim Hyun Joong great pain if he comes to know about them. He once stated early in his solo career that he felt helplessness and deep sadness when he saw his fans fighting. It makes him very sad. I do hope we can keep this from happening for his sake. He needs our love and support most not further reasons to feel helplessness and pain. A lot of the disagreement has been on how we as a fandom should behave publicly regarding the scandal. I admit I have publicly called that person who has hurt my Hyunnie so badly a foul name or two: B**** and Liar! I couldn’t help myself because I am so angry and hurt for my Angel. I have to admit, sometimes the things you say are so honest and funny, I have given in to temptation and posted them on my Facebook account like this one:
Although I personally feel these types of humor are therapeutic and harmless, there could be misinterpretation. I would not want anyone to use this as an example of 'hate speech' and will do my best to hold it back from now on. I am in agreement that we want to be a Dignified Lady for our Hyun Joong and show that his fans are DIFFERENT! We are not Vicious Haters. We are lovers who want to fight for and protect our Alien Prince. We will show that we are better if we do it with Dignity and Grace. I agree we should be careful not to let our enemies have any type of negative display from our side to use against Kim Hyun Joong.
cr: rightful owners or as tagged
And so, I want to end with the most important and liberating news that has been neglected here in my space these past weeks. I am so VERY THANKFUL to Kim Hyun Joong for finally breaking his silence and protecting his fans. He bore all of this pain and betrayal on his own, allowing his career and reputation to be destroyed, even punishing himself for the pain it was causing his family, friends and fans. Even his parents knew nothing of the whole truth until recently. But when it was announced he was being sued and the threats turned toward his fans for defending him, he finally hired good legal representation, spoke out in public and allowed the truth to be revealed. We now know that he was being blackmailed into silence and extorted for money by his ex. He was afraid of her threats and had no Legal Defense to help him when she told him through text messages she was pregnant and then had a miscarriage because of the physical fight they had over a breakup. There was no legal or medical proof of these statements, he simply believed her. As a result, she filed charges against him for assault, and then withdrew it after demanding a public apology and payment of $600,000 won, Over Half a Million Dollars. Although she publicly claimed she had not taken any money and claimed she decided to forgive him because of love, the truth was, in that legal agreement, she required he never tell a soul about the money or she would reveal that he had beaten a pregnant woman and caused her to miscarry to further destroy him.
Our sweet, precious, trusting and honest Hyun Joong felt no reason to believe she was lying to him about the pregnancy and miscarriage and, trying to take responsibility for his mistakes and handle it all by himself, was afraid of her threats. The truth was, there has never been ANY MEDICAL OR LEGAL EVIDENCE proving there ever was a pregnancy or miscarriage back then. All she wanted was money. And now that she has gotten greedy, and wanted more money, 1.6 Million won “to buy a house” for a second baby she claims is his which is STILL UNCONFIRMED, her true colors have finally been revealed. He would not bow to her threats this time and by coming out to the media with a lawsuit against him for more money due to psychological damages and a separate suit against his fans for the same, she broke her own agreement for silence. Everything is being brought to light and she will now have to pay the consequences of her lies, blackmail and extortion both socially and legally. Her flimsy ‘evidence’ will not hold up in court and her shady lawyer will go down in flames along with her. It is finally the day of reckoning!
Our sweet, precious, trusting and honest Hyun Joong felt no reason to believe she was lying to him about the pregnancy and miscarriage and, trying to take responsibility for his mistakes and handle it all by himself, was afraid of her threats. The truth was, there has never been ANY MEDICAL OR LEGAL EVIDENCE proving there ever was a pregnancy or miscarriage back then. All she wanted was money. And now that she has gotten greedy, and wanted more money, 1.6 Million won “to buy a house” for a second baby she claims is his which is STILL UNCONFIRMED, her true colors have finally been revealed. He would not bow to her threats this time and by coming out to the media with a lawsuit against him for more money due to psychological damages and a separate suit against his fans for the same, she broke her own agreement for silence. Everything is being brought to light and she will now have to pay the consequences of her lies, blackmail and extortion both socially and legally. Her flimsy ‘evidence’ will not hold up in court and her shady lawyer will go down in flames along with her. It is finally the day of reckoning!
cr: rightful owners or as tagged
“I have not forgotten one word you have whispered to Me. You are precious and I will never forsake you. Remain in faith, trust My way and My timing.”
Deuteronomy 31:6 ~ Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Kim Hyun Joong’s loyal fans have known all along this had to be true, all these months, but had no proof. Now, he has allowed it to be known, and we are rejoicing! Let me just sing the praises of his AMAZING and RIGHTEOUS Lawyer Lee Jae Mon for taking this scandal to the media and countering every lie that has been told with TRUTH and logical demands for EVIDENCE. We do not need to go out to the public forums and rub this in the faces of our enemies. Let KHJ’s Lawyer handle them all LEGALLY. I want to direct you to LazerKim’s post here: https://bibettesia.wordpress.com/2015/05/15/kim-hyun-joong-article-stating-facts/
for the translations of those TRUTHS so you can use them to direct at the One Sided Media articles and continued comments from haters. Just point them to the TRUTH with the original interviews with his Lawyer in Korean and the translations of those articles. FACTS and TRUTH are our most powerful weapons. Keep our anger and satisfaction at pointing out the mistakes of the enemy away from those public places where haters will only believe we are deluded and biased.
for the translations of those TRUTHS so you can use them to direct at the One Sided Media articles and continued comments from haters. Just point them to the TRUTH with the original interviews with his Lawyer in Korean and the translations of those articles. FACTS and TRUTH are our most powerful weapons. Keep our anger and satisfaction at pointing out the mistakes of the enemy away from those public places where haters will only believe we are deluded and biased.
We do not need to plead a case before the world. The Wrath of the Almighty has Begun and Karma is Coming. My Little David, Kim Hyun Joong, has now broken his silence and taken out his sling. The sling is named Lee Jae Mon Ssi and the Stone that will FELL THE GIANT of LIES and DEFAMATION is called the TRUTH! The Battle has Begun and we Already Know Who WON! God will never abandon His Faithful Son, Kim Hyun Joong! In two years time, now only 634 days, He will come back to us with his name cleared, his reputation in tact, his path prepared. He has promised to come back renewed and with a smile! Read his Letter to His fans in this Beautiful English Translation I found that spoke to my heart from his:
cr: Nhor Manuel for sharing
Hello, this is Kim Hyun Joong.
I regret that this is the way I have to say goodbye to you all instead of planning it in another manner. Truthfully, I have been greatly filled with guilt recently. I have been spending days blaming no one but myself for not being able to show a more mature side of me. I have also had to stay under the radar and have not been able to thoroughly explain my side (emotions) due to the fact that I am a celebrity.
This is why I had a hard time thinking of a way to incorporate an apology and a farewell in the same letter. To me, for all of my fans… I have two mixed emotions towards all of my fans. I’m both sorry and thankful…
During the times when many people were shocked, you all helped me mentally. Many have trusted me from the beginning and even predicted the parts that I couldn’t explain myself and thus giving me courage. How will I be able to repay you all…
And to those who have been hurt or mad because of me, I don’t know a way to apologize appropriately and I am just leaving with a big debt in my heart. I know that whoever born in this land are required to enlist in the military, but now that it is finally my turn, there’s a feeling of unrest in the corner of my heart. I have always thought myself to be the most competitive and confident, but… now that it’s the day before enlistment, I feel weak…
However, I believe that these two years is an opportunity for me to be born again. As a man, celebrity, and a responsible citizen, I will come back a better man. For the past year, I have truly felt protected trusted and even respected by my family, friends, fellow companions, thankful people, and my fans.
Even if enlisting in the military and serving my country isn’t the best I could do for everyone who has kept believing in me, I’ll do my best to return as a better person. I will end this letter with a promise of a smile the day I return.
cr: Nhor Manuel for sharing
Hello, this is Kim Hyun Joong.
I regret that this is the way I have to say goodbye to you all instead of planning it in another manner. Truthfully, I have been greatly filled with guilt recently. I have been spending days blaming no one but myself for not being able to show a more mature side of me. I have also had to stay under the radar and have not been able to thoroughly explain my side (emotions) due to the fact that I am a celebrity.
This is why I had a hard time thinking of a way to incorporate an apology and a farewell in the same letter. To me, for all of my fans… I have two mixed emotions towards all of my fans. I’m both sorry and thankful…
During the times when many people were shocked, you all helped me mentally. Many have trusted me from the beginning and even predicted the parts that I couldn’t explain myself and thus giving me courage. How will I be able to repay you all…
And to those who have been hurt or mad because of me, I don’t know a way to apologize appropriately and I am just leaving with a big debt in my heart. I know that whoever born in this land are required to enlist in the military, but now that it is finally my turn, there’s a feeling of unrest in the corner of my heart. I have always thought myself to be the most competitive and confident, but… now that it’s the day before enlistment, I feel weak…
However, I believe that these two years is an opportunity for me to be born again. As a man, celebrity, and a responsible citizen, I will come back a better man. For the past year, I have truly felt protected trusted and even respected by my family, friends, fellow companions, thankful people, and my fans.
Even if enlisting in the military and serving my country isn’t the best I could do for everyone who has kept believing in me, I’ll do my best to return as a better person. I will end this letter with a promise of a smile the day I return.
cr: rightful owners or as tagged
I know he will keep his promise because he is Kim Hyun Joong who ALWAYS KEEPS HIS PROMISES! We will be able to meet the True, Fun, Happy, Silly, Free Spirited, Loving, Gentle, Sweet, Manly, Emotional, Cute, Tough, Talented and Sexy Kim Hyun Joong once again. His Smile will be there to Heal us Once More! I love ALL OF YOU so much! Your thoughts and blogs and posts give me so much hope and happiness! I need all of you to keep me going. You are so diverse and beautiful in your ways of dealing with life and pain with Laughter and Love. I am so blessed to know you! It is all because of this Beautiful Person we met who Healed us and Changed our Lives, Kim Hyun Joong!
My Angel Baby, it will be an HONOR to continue protecting you while you serve your Military Service. You are a TRUE Soldier of LIFE already. This will be a piece of cake for you. You are a Real Man and a True Gentleman. Your fans have ALWAYS KNOWN AND BELIEVED THE TRUTH! We are thankful now the rest of the world is getting to see it revealed and will soon know what we have known all along: Your Innocence. You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed. You may have made some mistakes. That is only human. We have always known your Heart and Your True Self. The biggest mistake you made was believing you knew someone well and that you were safe in trusting them. That person was obviously a stranger who did not know or understand you at all. It is very painful and devastating to be used, rejected and betrayed. We are humans just like you and have experienced those painful things as well so we Understand You. Please don’t punish yourself any further. You have paid a much higher price than was necessary. Forgive yourself as we have never blamed you. You are Family. There is nothing to blame or forgive. Our Hearts, Love, Thoughts and Prayers will continually be coming to you until we see your Healing Smile once again. Thank you for your promise. We know you will keep it… you have never disappointed us yet! We are waiting and counting down the days! Until we meet again....
All my Love,
Angie Noonim
My Angel Baby, it will be an HONOR to continue protecting you while you serve your Military Service. You are a TRUE Soldier of LIFE already. This will be a piece of cake for you. You are a Real Man and a True Gentleman. Your fans have ALWAYS KNOWN AND BELIEVED THE TRUTH! We are thankful now the rest of the world is getting to see it revealed and will soon know what we have known all along: Your Innocence. You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed. You may have made some mistakes. That is only human. We have always known your Heart and Your True Self. The biggest mistake you made was believing you knew someone well and that you were safe in trusting them. That person was obviously a stranger who did not know or understand you at all. It is very painful and devastating to be used, rejected and betrayed. We are humans just like you and have experienced those painful things as well so we Understand You. Please don’t punish yourself any further. You have paid a much higher price than was necessary. Forgive yourself as we have never blamed you. You are Family. There is nothing to blame or forgive. Our Hearts, Love, Thoughts and Prayers will continually be coming to you until we see your Healing Smile once again. Thank you for your promise. We know you will keep it… you have never disappointed us yet! We are waiting and counting down the days! Until we meet again....
All my Love,
Angie Noonim
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