Strange How Everything Comes Full Circle as We Live and Learn. Life Lessons and the Series That Started it All: Boys Over Flowers, Yoon Ji Hoo and Kim Hyun Joong.
So, as I promised, I am reporting my feelings and observations as I re-watch for the 8th time Boys Over Flowers. I do this twice per year as time allows in my busy life. Attack for my Addiction usually hits about every 6 months. I just have to go back and fall in love all over again with Yoon Ji Hoo who introduced me to Kim Hyun Joong in January of 2011. I had just come out of a week long stay in the hospital after having surgery to remove a serious and life threatening infection. I was home bound. I could not leave my little apartment for an entire month due to the possibility of re-infection and also because the infection I had was highly contagious. I could pass it to others as well. To say the least, I was in physical pain healing from surgery. I was also deeply depressed. It was the dead of winter, the hardest time of year for me since I tend to suffer from SADD. (Seasonal Affective Depressive Disorder) and, I was still recovering from my Divorce. I had isolated myself socially because of the deep betrayal I suffered and just could not bring myself to trust others. It was one of the lowest times in my life.
Of course, I was bored to death all by myself every day and I had spent countless hours catching up with my favorite shows on Netflix. I have been somewhat of an otaku for going on 20 years now and had an extensive list of anime to watch in my queue. As anyone who has a Netflix subscription knows, they will list suggestions based on your viewing history under the category "You might Also Like" and there it was, Boys Over Flowers. I clicked on it out of curiosity and read the short review. The picture looked like the front cover of a manga, only the beautiful anime boys I love so much were LIVING HUMAN BEINGS! I was in AWE! I had seen some good looking Japanese and Chinese men watching Martial Arts Movies, (another distraction of mine), but I had NEVER seen Asian Men who looked like this! I was just floored and my mind was having difficulty believing they were real and human. Honestly, I actually had seen a gorgeous Korean Man before, I just did not know it. My favorite Martial Arts movie is 'Ninja Assassin' starring Rain. I already owned that movie at the time, but I thought he was Japanese! LOL! Silly me! At any rate, I was drawn like a moth to the flame.
I have mentioned in my blogs a few times before when I lost my heart to an Angel named Kim Hyun Joong: In the first Episode of Boys Over Flowers. The notorious or famous F4 enter Shinhwa high school as Geum Jan Di meets them for the first time. Yoon Ji Hoo is the last to walk through the doors and the rays of sun touch the back of his head like a blinding halo making him look so Angelic. I immediately lost my heart and my head. It was from that point on that HE became the star of the show for me. I know it was supposed to be Gu Joon Pyo, but if you watch that scene again, you will see that Kim Hyun Joong STOLE that scene. You just can't take your eyes off of him. He did nothing but walk into a room, and it was OVER for me! LOL! The sun cresting the strawberry blond hair he was wearing for the character was only a coincidence I'm sure. It was meant to show the 'sparkling' effect of the manga for all four of the characters, but Kim Hyun Joong's personal aura seemed to ignite that flare of sunlight and capture me as if he had hypnotized me.
I could not take my eyes off of him, and they have never strayed since. Somehow, I knew he was a kindred spirit, a beautiful soul. It was a spiritual connection through time and space before I ever knew any personal details about the real Kim Hyun Joong. It was just powerful. I am struggling to describe the intensity of the connection. It cannot be described, only felt. What has given me the courage to share it here is that others have experienced it too. I have realized that I am NOT crazy! I thought I was for a very long time, but when I started to blog about Kim Hyun Joong in 2o12, it became apparent that I was NOT the only one. For many others, Kim Hyun Joong had become the proverbial Only One, just like me. As I began to research about him more and more and write my findings in article after article, the initial blush of what seemed like just a crush began to deepen into a real Affair of the Heart. I was not just attracted to his physical beauty. It was a powerful, deep, complete and encompassing case of TRUE LOVE. I'm not talking about Eros, or passionate, romantic love. I am talking about Agape: unconditional, selfless, spiritual love.
I could not take my eyes off of him, and they have never strayed since. Somehow, I knew he was a kindred spirit, a beautiful soul. It was a spiritual connection through time and space before I ever knew any personal details about the real Kim Hyun Joong. It was just powerful. I am struggling to describe the intensity of the connection. It cannot be described, only felt. What has given me the courage to share it here is that others have experienced it too. I have realized that I am NOT crazy! I thought I was for a very long time, but when I started to blog about Kim Hyun Joong in 2o12, it became apparent that I was NOT the only one. For many others, Kim Hyun Joong had become the proverbial Only One, just like me. As I began to research about him more and more and write my findings in article after article, the initial blush of what seemed like just a crush began to deepen into a real Affair of the Heart. I was not just attracted to his physical beauty. It was a powerful, deep, complete and encompassing case of TRUE LOVE. I'm not talking about Eros, or passionate, romantic love. I am talking about Agape: unconditional, selfless, spiritual love.
Those who haven't experienced this with Kim Hyun Joong have asked me how it is I can feel so close to a person I've never actually met in the flesh and whom I really don't
KNOW. I can't explain it to them in a way they will understand. The only thing I can say is that people fall in love online everyday at dating websites and end up getting married. They may meet in person eventually, but they actually fall in love with the person through witnessing their words and actions before they physically meet them. It is similar in this way. There is something spiritual about heart connections that does not require a physical encounter. You can just know when a person is the same as you are on a heart level. It is called intuition and no explanation is really necessary. You just know. With Kim Hyun Joong, my intuition was only reinforced when I actually began digging for more information on him. Every article about his hi 5 fan meets and charitable activities I read and every interview and reality show I watched gave me renewed conviction and strengthened my initial intuition. As evidenced by his words and actions, he really was a kind, thoughtful, gentle, humble and beautiful person. It was not just a dream or hallucination based on the character he played as Yoon Ji Hoo. In fact, the real Kim Hyun Joong was even better, sweeter, deeper and more attractive.
KNOW. I can't explain it to them in a way they will understand. The only thing I can say is that people fall in love online everyday at dating websites and end up getting married. They may meet in person eventually, but they actually fall in love with the person through witnessing their words and actions before they physically meet them. It is similar in this way. There is something spiritual about heart connections that does not require a physical encounter. You can just know when a person is the same as you are on a heart level. It is called intuition and no explanation is really necessary. You just know. With Kim Hyun Joong, my intuition was only reinforced when I actually began digging for more information on him. Every article about his hi 5 fan meets and charitable activities I read and every interview and reality show I watched gave me renewed conviction and strengthened my initial intuition. As evidenced by his words and actions, he really was a kind, thoughtful, gentle, humble and beautiful person. It was not just a dream or hallucination based on the character he played as Yoon Ji Hoo. In fact, the real Kim Hyun Joong was even better, sweeter, deeper and more attractive.
I have been argued with over his Public Image/Persona that he was like this in interviews and reality shows and even gave to charities and such because it was part of his Good Image. These things have been said about him by his anits since the beginning. It is nothing new now. They are not suddenly right because he was caught in bad situation. Once again, I have to say that people are not so easily fooled. If he was not genuine, he would have been exposed LONG BEFORE now. He would have slipped up Long Ago. There would have been signs and warnings. I will always stand by my gut feeling about him. He is still the same Angel I have always loved and admired. He is a good person who did a bad thing. That is not so shocking or upsetting as his dissenters want to make it. Good people can be pushed to do bad things. Good people can have moments of weakness where they act out of character. This does not change the core of who they are. This does not suddenly make them monsters. It just makes them HUMAN. Unfortunately, when you are an Idol, people don't want to let you be human. If you show your weakness, they want you brought down. You are no longer worthy of love and support. It is just cruel and unjust. I am like Geum Jan Di. I am Wonder Girl, defender of justice. What has happened to him is not just. It is overkill. He did not deserve public crucifixion. He did not deserve this much pain.
Being in a toxic relationship can turn you into someone you don't recognize. I have repeatedly stated that I know this from experience. I hit my ex too. I had never been violent before, and I have not been since. I don't believe it was right of me to do so, but he asked me to, actually. He was punishing himself for hurting me, and in my moment of anger, I took the bait. After our relationship was finished, everyone around me, family, friends and even co-workers who did not know me before stated that they could not ever see me doing such a thing and that the relationship changed me. After I was out of it, they all stated their relief in seeing me go back to my gentle loving self. Things are never black and white. Unfortunately, a lot of people can't accept the grey areas and insist on Right and Wrong. All I have to say is you can't judge anyone until you have been in their exact situation. And no one will ever be in the exact situation as another person. It may be similar, but there are always differences, so we have no right to judge each other ever. "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." If you are honest with yourself, you will just drop the stone in your hand and walk away.
Being in a toxic relationship can turn you into someone you don't recognize. I have repeatedly stated that I know this from experience. I hit my ex too. I had never been violent before, and I have not been since. I don't believe it was right of me to do so, but he asked me to, actually. He was punishing himself for hurting me, and in my moment of anger, I took the bait. After our relationship was finished, everyone around me, family, friends and even co-workers who did not know me before stated that they could not ever see me doing such a thing and that the relationship changed me. After I was out of it, they all stated their relief in seeing me go back to my gentle loving self. Things are never black and white. Unfortunately, a lot of people can't accept the grey areas and insist on Right and Wrong. All I have to say is you can't judge anyone until you have been in their exact situation. And no one will ever be in the exact situation as another person. It may be similar, but there are always differences, so we have no right to judge each other ever. "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." If you are honest with yourself, you will just drop the stone in your hand and walk away.
I was recently asked by a dear former fan who was considering coming back to the fold why I was defending Kim Hyun Joong even though admitted to doing something so wrong? I told her the simple answer was because I love him. Not like, admire, crush on, or get all tingly about... true, unconditional, never ending love. I am pleased to say she was convinced by my explanation and has agreed that Hyun Joong deserved her forgiveness. She is going to come back and enjoy him with us again because she missed him in her heart. I am so happy for her and for Hyun Joong. I know that if one confused fan had the courage to reach out to me and ask those hard questions, there are at least 100 more who were staying silent. They have been watching and waiting and reading our words of love and encouragement. They have been missing him and considering that perhaps they were hasty in their judgment and perhaps forgiveness will heal their disappointment and broken heart. As I told this wonderful, sweet fan: You are welcome back with open arms and no questions asked. We will take you back into the fold and love you unconditionally as we love Hyun Joong. It's ok to be confused or swayed by what seems to be the 'right' answer. But, if your heart is stirred to reconsider, I hope you can find peace and forgiveness here. Welcome back to the beauty of loving Kim Hyun Joong. Welcome Home.
Love until next time,
Angie noonim
Love until next time,
Angie noonim
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