[ARTICLE] Kim Hyun Joong: Angel Apologies... Perception is 100% of Reality

ANGEL APOLOGIES

This article starts with my heart full and heavy with sorrow.  I am a very passionate woman.  When something excites me, I want to share it with the world.  Sometimes, my passion causes me to be misunderstood and ill perceived.  This has happened on many occasions throughout my entire life.  Because I can become so animated about something, those around me sometimes get hurt or confused.  This is what I have realized regarding my previous articles about Kim Hyun Joong and Kim Jaejoong.  I was so excited about Jaejoong, I just want to share my enthusiasm. I wrote honestly from my heart and wanted my enthusiasm to be shared.  I did not stop to think how it would affect my beloved Angel, Kim Hyun Joong.  I did not realize he could take it as unjust criticism and take it to heart.  I did not consider that I could be hurting his feelings deeply as his fan.

When the backlash came in the comments, I was stunned and hurt.  I did not realize how my gushing about something new I had discovered would come across to my readers, Kim Hyun Joong's loving and dedicated fans.  I consider myself one of those loving and dedicated fans as well.  In no way, did I ever intend to indicate that had changed.  I still love Kim Hyun Joong because of who he is.  I still listen to his music every day because it is such an essential part of my happiness.  I still look for his updates.  I still collect his photos.  I have posted here links to all the albums I have collected.  I was unable to do this before on blogger.  I wanted to, but could not find an easy and quick way.  I am still 100% head over heels in love with Kim Hyun Joong!  I did not intend for my actions to throw any shadows of doubt on that fact.  Now that I am sorting through the aftermath, I realize how that misconception could have happened.  And.  I realize that people's perceptions are 100% of their reality.  It does not matter what I intended.  It does not matter what I say now.  What matters is how I was perceived, and it was not well.

What hurts me most is the possibility of Kim Hyun Joong's perception.  I would sooner die than hurt him deeply.  However, I realize now, that may be exactly what I have done.  I am devastated by this possibility.  I might as well have cut one of my dearest friends with a knife.  If I have bruised or even broken his heart with my 'honesty'... well, that would be the worst part of this whole mess.  I believe people who love each other should be honest with each other.  However, it is completely UNFAIR to compare someone to another person and expect them to take it as constructive criticism.  I hate this myself.  I remember having this done to me on many occasions by my loved ones and feeling completely and utterly betrayed as if I did not matter to them a bit.  I know well how horrible it feels... and I did it to someone I love dearly.  All I can say is I.  AM.  SO.  SORRY.  I am on my knees telling Kim Hyun Joong and his fans that I could never make it up or take it back if I had ten thousand mouths.  All I can do is admit my error and hope they can forgive me.

I am so thankful to the fans who offered their comments.  Some, I took very hard and felt they were just mean.  Others, I took to heart and re-evaluated my actions.  For those who were a bit harsh, I understand your hearts.  Please continue loving and supporting Hyun Joong.  I hope you can learn how to express your hearts with a little more kindness even when you are deeply upset.  I apologize to you for stirring up such a fierce fire.  I also accept your criticisms as just.  For the fans who have been my friends and stayed patiently by my side helping me to understand.  I am deeply indebted to you.  Losing friends really hurts when you've made a mistake.  I am glad you cared enough about me to teach me and help me grow.   

And to KIM HYUN JOONG.... I am so thankful for having been able to meet such an amazing young man.  I have been so blessed by everything you have done as a celebrity and public figure.  You have inspired me.  You have healed me.  You have kept me happy in very depressing circumstances.  I would not be able to get through a very tough life without your sweetness, gentleness, humbleness, and talent coming into my home and work place every day.  I would probably have given up and just existed until the day I died physically.  Because of you, I live every day and continue to have hope that I can make changes in my life and improve it.  I can have the hope and strength to slowly make steps forward instead of falling back into despair.  I am deeply indebted to you. 

For Hyun Joong, happiness is a must in life.  He wishes only for his fans to be happy and to receive happiness from his work.  I could not be happier because I have Kim Hyun Joong in my life.  I also could not be happier because of his fans whom I have met along the way.  I just want him to know that and that I love him with all of my heart for who he is.  What he does is only a beautiful reflection of the amazing man he is.  I love Kim Hyun Joong for Kim Hyun Joong and nothing else.  It is that simple.

**KHJ "I think many celebrities might think if they were not celebrities and live ordinary lives, they wouldn't have to be depressed and unhappy. However I felt today, to live a ordinary life is most difficult, and to live with doing what I want is most happy. I realized I am a really happy person and reflect on myself why I had felt I was not happy."

Although I have been advised not to say it because my actions have indicated otherwise, I have to still declare that Kim Hyun Joong is my ONLY ONE.  He is the first kpop star I loved.  He is also the only one that will have my devotion for a lifetime.  Others may come in and out of my heart.  I may get excited about this artist or that one.  However, Kim Hyun Joong will never leave my side.  I will carry him everywhere throughout the rest of my life here on this planet.  When I am old and dying in bed, I will still be listening to his songs and watching his dramas and TV appearances.  When I get to heaven, I will be watching over him and blessing him from up high.  He is my ONLY ONE that will stay true for the rest of my life.  Believe me or don't.  I am honest enough to say things I maybe shouldn't say.  Honest enough to take the flack for saying the truth.  So, I hope you can believe my sincerity here.  I love you, Kim Hyun Joong, and Alien Family.  That is all I am left with.  The truth that is inside my heart.

Full of Humility and Love... OHCHEONSA

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